I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
