You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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