I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
