apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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