I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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