we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Drake has all the answers
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
