based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
