Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
