They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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