That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
