I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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