now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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