This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
