i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
