i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
