who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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