I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
