Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i out mim tonsoeep
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
