sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
