He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
