After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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