do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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