dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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