i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
