I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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