At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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