So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
