So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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