So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
