Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
