I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
