If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
