Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
