im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
