I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
