I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
