Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
