I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
