it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
