next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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