that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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