so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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