i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
