6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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