I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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