What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
