I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
