bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
