My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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