No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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