you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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